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If you are divorcing a narcissist, understanding potential challenges can help you get through the process.
According to the Mayo Clinic, a person with a narcissistic personality disorder has an inflated sense of importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others. The individual is very vulnerable to the slightest criticism, causes problems in many areas of life (relationships, work, school or financial affairs) and may be generally unhappy and disappointed when not given special favors or admiration.
According to a Psychology Today article that incorporates input from a therapist and the author’s attorney, here are some factors to consider.
Here are some narcissistic traits have that are problematic for divorce:
Being right – Truth does not matter but “being right” does, and if playing the victim serves the goal, then a narcissist will do that.
Maintaining power and an edge – A narcissist is not interested in changing or becoming a better person and would game the system if at all possible, even if that means filing endless motions or false accusations. Dragging you through a court battle can make the narcissist feel empowered, and how long the divorce takes is of no concern. If you give up and go away, the narcissist enjoys the victory.
No empathy – Hurting the other spouse does not matter to a narcissist. This can take its toll on your children and you.
Court battles – The narcissist may prefer a court battle to negotiation because letting a judge decide means not having to take responsibility for the outcome. Beware, because the narcissist often wants to obstruct the process, will refuse to negotiate or settle, run up your bills, paint you as the bad guy, and continue dragging issues to court even after settlement or divorce.
There are many factors to weigh when considering divorce, and it is wise to seek legal advice right away. Attorney Chris Palermo takes your divorce seriously and works diligently to help you obtain as favorable an outcome as possible.
Divorce lawyers and counselors often advise clients not to discuss their divorce with family or friends. When it comes to divorce, many people want to weigh in with their opinions. Emotions can fly high and the end results are often unfavorable.
Such was the case in February 2017 for a United Airlines pilot. NBC reported that the female pilot arrived late to work and was dressed in civilian clothes for her flight that was scheduled to fly from Austin to San Francisco.
The pilot announced to passengers she was late because she was going through a divorce and made disparaging comments about presidential candidates Clinton and Trump. One of the passengers videoed the incident and put it on YouTube but then took it down. About half of the passengers walked off the plane because they felt unsafe.
The airlines sent a pilot to replace her, and the pilot walked off the plane of her own accord. By this time she was in tears. United Airlines released a statement that said, “We hold our employees to the highest standards and replaced this pilot with a new one to operate the flight.”
Fortunately, the pilot was not identified, and a passenger who ran into her afterward said she was crying and apologized. Many passengers expressed compassion and concern for the pilot.
Divorce is emotionally traumatic for many people, and this can be true even if you are the one initiating the divorce. Seeking legal guidance can help you dispel confusion about your divorce options and understand what to expect. Mediation is often a way to make the divorce process more amicable and less stressful. In many divorce cases, the husband or wife may find divorce therapy is a great aid for helping them cope with the overall situation. Be proactive and avoid your own divorce meltdown.
If you are considering divorce, consult with a lawyer early on to avoid actions that could potentially further complicate divorce. Attorney Chris Palermo offers compassionate legal assistance and can help you navigate a challenging divorce.
It may come as a surprise, but gray divorce, which describes divorcing couples over the age of 50, constitutes 25% of today’s divorces. In fact, today people who are 50 and older are twice as likely to divorce than they were in 1990.
This research information comes from the National Center for Family and Marriage Research at Bowling Green State University in Ohio. (Reported in Nextaveue.org)
Five main reasons for couples divorcing later in life include:
Growing apart. Most gray divorces are years in the making and aren’t sudden occurrences. Take Al and Tipper Gore for example. After spending 40 years together, they decided to divorce and it came as a surprise to many people, but couples can grow apart.
Age differences. As people hit middle age, some take stock of their lives and want to reinvent themselves. An age difference at a younger age may not matter to couples, but a viewpoint shift tends to happen around 40.
Boredom. Sometimes people become so complacent that their relationships become boring. They quit giving their partner the attention that keeps that spark alive and makes the marriage vital.
Finances. Conflict can arise when spouses have different financial goals. One spouse wants to save money and the other wants to spend it. When they have increased financial responsibilities, like sending kids to college or paying for medical expenses, it can put stress on the relationship. After awhile, all the minor conflicts add up and reach a tipping point, which leads to divorce.
Sexual incompatibility. As couple age, their sex drives change and hormonal shifts in each person may be quite different for one than in the other. Once again, this is a manifestation of two people growing apart, but in this case the gap is regarding sexual compatibility.
There are many factors to weigh when considering divorce, and it is wise to seek legal advice. Attorney Chris Palermo is diligent about providing you with sound legal guidance and protecting your interests.
A couple’s home is often the largest asset they own together. It stands to reason that when a marriage breaks down, deciding what to do with the home deserves careful consideration. There will be many divorce decisions.
The first thing you must understand is that New York is an equitable property division state. Equitable property division means that property is divided fairly but not always equally. When deciding property division, factors include how much each spouse contributed to their marital estate and what each spouses needs to survive once divorced.
Sale. You can sell your home and divide the proceeds.
Delayed sale. One spouse can stay in the home while raising the children and after the last child graduates high school or college, the couple can sell the home and divide the proceeds at that point.
Buyout. One spouse can pay the other spouse half of the home’s equity and continue to make mortgage payments and keep the home.
Mortgage payments. When temporarily keeping the home, the settlement can address what mortgage payments both spouses make on the co-owned home.
Taxes are also important to consider. Factors include capital gains tax exemptions, buyout tax payments, and taxes when co-owning a house and selling it later. It is wise to consult with your tax advisor and explain the financial details involved with your divorce. Your lawyers can also take taxes into consideration when negotiating a fair property division settlement.
Whatever issues you face regarding divorce decisions, Long Island divorce attorney Chris Palermo will work closely with you to address all aspects of your divorce.
It is no secret that celebrities are often put in the position of role models for the rest of society. So, when celebrity couples divorce, people take notice.
Without a doubt, the media has capitalized on celebrity divorces that were heated and painful displays of how not to divorce. Charlie Sheen’s marriages with Denise Richards and Brooke Mueller both involved allegations of domestic violence and angry communications. Their divorces were neither simple nor amicable.
In contrast, some celebrities have provided good examples of amicable divorces. The divorce between Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert comes to mind. In a recent interview, Miranda Lambert tells fans not to pick a side because it doesn’t help anyone. She says there isn’t a side to pick anyway and explains she had a great relationship with an amazing man, so she knows what good is, and that gives her a great launching pad for the future. Aside from having great attitudes, some legal factors that helped them to divorce smoothly and quickly were the fact they had no children, had a prenuptial agreement and the waiting period in Oklahoma is short. Hours after the media announced their split, reporters discovered their divorce had already become officially final. US Magazine reported Blake as saying they only had a nine or 10 day waiting period after filing.
While not quick, the divorce between Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner has involved communication and cooperation between the couple. They want to divorce amicably for the sake of their three children. They announced their decision to end their marriage together, rather than separately, releasing a statement that “After much thoughtful and careful consideration, we have made the difficult decision to divorce.” According to Closer Weekly, they had been separated for 10 months, but Ben was still living at the house. They made a conscious effort to save their marriage. When unable to reconcile, they also wanted to make their divorce as easy as possible for the kids. They’ve been seen running errands together and going places together since announcing their divorce plans.
For anyone considering divorce, it is important to have an effective divorce lawyer you feel comfortable with to discuss your options and work out the best approach. Based on the issues you face, your divorce will differ from someone else’s and require tailored representation. Chris Palermo is an experienced Long Island divorce lawyer who has helped numerous clients effectively deal with the difficulties of divorce.